I like it the way it is

Yesterday my love interest said no. Or rather, she said, “I like it the way it is now”.
Which means a close friendship, running about 15 years now.

She was surprised, which is not surprising considering the many years we’ve known each other.
I was not surprised, even though I had some hopes. I felt sad, of course, but also felt a calmness directly after the conversation ended.

Even though I did not accomplish anything, I felt I had accomplished something. For at least I’m able now to have these conversations without feelings of guilt or shame. Something that took me a long time to learn.

And I also feel I’m ready for the task at hand. Which is to make sure a dear friendship keeps going.